Dismal.

Sudden changes of great significance have caught me off guard. I see that I am ready but there are so many things that I don’t want to know or to experience yet. I don’t say this sarcastically, I say it with determination! My heart wants to lead me off, convince me that there is no good, that I am a martyr, a hero in my own story.

Crippled by pain, the world starts to circle me.

My flawed feelings drag me down, I let myself entertain them and I stop feeding the good Spirit within me. The dark portion of my character that everyday fights for control comes to surface. I swirl downward in dismal idolatry.

Then God has mercy on me. He allows me to step back and view myself through a lense of truth. I am saved! Life is not sadness, it is not struggle. Life is thriving amidst chaotic disturbance! Life is falling and getting back up with renewed vigor.

Restore to me sweet fellowship, God.  Let me again be familiar with all the tender beauties of life that I once loved. Open my clouded eyes to the needs around me. Make me ever more aware of my arrogant self-worship.

You are perfect. The people who surround me have needs that surpass my understanding, but never Yours. Use me to fill them up again. Pour Your precious self through Your humble vessel. I am Yours, You have saved me out of Your tenderhearted compassion. Now use me to bring Your story to complete, flawless fruition.

 

 

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