At the start of summer I wrote a post celebrating how joyful God had made me. I broached the subject of how very far he had brought me in his tender way. He had romanced me from anger, fear, & insecurity into joy, peace, & confidence. Sweet. Christian life goal, accomplished, right? (Oh, the naivety of myself 3 months ago. Ha!)
Definitely that post was the story of a season, a hard season with a soft ending. But after a season’s close there comes a new season, and good, easy seasons are not promised. Seasons that are worth it are promised those who are hidden in the Divine. Worth it: I didn’t say easy. Certainly, each season is as different from the next as waves in the ocean, just thousands of water droplets struggling together in a rolling symphony that can caress sand as easily as crush lungs & snap bones.
So he led me from Heights [abundance of joy & confidence & love] into Depths [fear & weeping & heartbreak as well as confusion & hypocrisy] because that was the story of Next Season: Chapter 1. Hanging onto the previous season only hindered my forward motion, but he humbled my heart & inched me forward (at the snail’s pace of my tiny Faith).
Accusations hurt, my friends. Just ask David, the guy who wrote the book of Psalms in the Bible.
“O Lord,” I prayed, “have mercy on me. Heal me, for I have sinned against you.” But my enemies say nothing but evil about me. ~Psalm 41:4-5a
I was accused and I stopped dancing. I was separated from ones I loved & that sure didn’t make me want to dance. I was uprooted & now live in a new place with no old friends who “get me” & pray for me & laugh with me. In a culture that is just dissimilar from my own enough to make me feel uncomfortable, my hypocrisy parades before my eyes on the exhaust cloud of each Ford F-150 that drives by. I’m a girl who likes the illusion & false security of having bank account in order still unemployed & yet…
….there’s this peace. There’s the sense of a great God below & above holding my infinite place in this Universe; in his Heart.
Somehow I see another miracle already. It creeps in when my hard heart gets softened by a song or by prayer. That the unemployed new girl whose family relationships are tenuous at best, whose dearest friends are scattered around the state (country! globe!), against whose name accusations have fallen, is dancing. That the one whose privilege blinds her to blessings can see the face of her lowly Master with the eyes of her soul.
My Lord gives me glimpses of Heaven in every moment & today he has me dancing for the wonder of it all. The wonder of today. And yesterday. And Up & Down. Heaving sobs & a hopeful future. Proud discontentment breeding contempt & Holy discontentment giving birth to the restless pressing in….to Eternal Life NOW.
His love is everything from season to season. In the letting go & the too-long-holding-on….his arms of Grace are open to me.
What a reason to dance.
Don’t forget that love is all you came here for
Not anything less
Need I say more? ~Brett Dennen