The insanity of roller coaster moments in life continually blow my mind. Learning about things continuously is exhausting.
EX: It’s weird how the better I become at being honest with people, the worse I get at expressing myself on paper (eh, computer). Connecting with people seems to help me improve at only one thing: connecting with people. I know stuff, I understand people, I’ve got the connections, but good gosh! I hardly have an education. Not much has been accomplished in these past 19 years of life by general standards. I’m a professional nothing. An unbusiness woman. A full time patient. Absolutely dependant. Hopelessly accomplishment-less.
I suppose all there is to show from this past 9 months is surrender and a couple of unfinished charcoal drawings. Partial surrender, because complete takes time when you insist on being full of pride. This is good; this letting-go is the most important thing. Yet still I wonder, where is my field? Am I going to learn how to do anything? How shall I express myself? Will I ever truly enjoy the work that feeds and clothes me? These are questions for the future. Today, my business is love. I am supportive, I am ready and willing, and I am at peace sitting still. Later, I will hustle and bustle and my business will be more tangible.
Hopefully I’ll get to jump off of cliffs and rescue children and that sort of thing. We’ll see.
I’m grateful to God for the wildness of this world -N.D. Wilson