It is ironic that I like driving alone in my truck. Even a short jaunt from place to place on a sunny afternoon brings me immense happiness. The irony is in the fact that while I adore these physical transitions I struggle with the emotions of life’s most basic transitions. Changes weigh heavily on my heart. Season leaves behind season, years peel away to reveal new decades. I often feel stuck in remembrance, unwilling to let the precious past go.

Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.~Psalm 126:5&6

I’ll never sit at Grandma’s side, chatting about nothing and about life in pain while we watch the brass pendulum tick the hours by. It hurts that I can’t call her on Fridays anymore and that my phone is slowly erasing all the saved voicemails she left. I treasure these glimpses into a time before her final transition.
My composition instructor who so challenged, bored, inspired, and fascinated me (depending on the day) will not teach me anymore. My heart is tender as I walk amongst classmates down the gray hall. I hear him enthusiastically yelling even now, “Do something worth writing about!” and I am thankful.
I won’t see Tori again. A friend as constant as the sunrise won’t stand next to me in the pool again. She won’t cut the cake at my wedding. She is gone. We won’t talk about our lives or cry over movies together because that time has reached its end. Suddenly, her color in my rainbow is gone, and the childish era when our lives overlapped has passed. A painful wound is left.
Such great, somber hope fills the void.
Spending time on behalf of the outcasts, and using my voice to speak for those without voices, yields less of a paycheck than one might think. How to cling less tightly to earthly security, its a dear lesson to learn. With God’s help, I will rely on Him more fully in time.
Growing into my personal beliefs instead of foolishly adopting those of my culture, another lesson. I am holding more loosely to ideals with which I have been indoctrinated and suspending life long biases in pursuit of personal faith in the better Way, the real Truth, and the abundant Life. There is a Guide who knows the best way. Jesus is my Rabbi, also my Friend. To Him I owe a loyalty greater than I owe to family, country, or friends.
Learning to joyfully count the cost and give it all up for the sake of my King.
Aching as time continually changes the landscape of my life.
Rejoicing in new lives, new days, and memories that speak: I am not home yet.

I drive my truck and I love it, from place to place.

Be to me a rock of refuge to which I may continually come~Psalm 71:31

Hearing, I forget; seeing, I remember; writing, I understand.~Chinese Proverb


To My Most Avid Reader

To My Most Avid Reader,

You graduate from college this Saturday. People are saying that this is when “real life” begins. Now you are an adult. This is what all your training is for. This is where you have been headed all along.

I’m saying: this is going to be fun.

Now is the only moment God has entrusted you with. Seize it! Shape your future by living every day in deliberate pursuit of the Holy One. Start a lifestyle that is so good you’ll take it to the grave with you. Question everything you believe and find that God can answer the deepest queries. Seek Him & you will be the most happy, most beautiful woman alive.

Don’t ever think that you are wise enough, but respect the Lord and stay away from evil. This will make you healthy, and you will feel strong. (Proverbs 3:7-8 CEV)

Don’t work towards retirement; work to bring God’s kingdom to earth in the hearts of those around you. Spend long hours slaving over numbers on pages but spend many more in prayer for lost souls, and in prayer for the health of your own precious soul. The Lion of Judah has written your name on Himself. Surely that is a big enough truth to propel you to greater service, to more intense love for others.

Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. (Revelation 21:6)

You’re so good at being friends with the friendless. You’re tolerant and open in all the right ways. You are willing to work and to share your knowledge. You are an infant in evil, but mature in your thoughts (1 Corinthians 14:20). You have all the necessary traits of a disciple. Go.

For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith. (Galatians 6:8-10)

Many have spent this time of their life lamenting their relationship status. You have nothing to lament because your status is, “daughter of the King,” “in a Divine Romance,” and “in love with the Lover of my soul.” Be made awesome in this time. God wants you to come closer. There is always more of Him to fall in love with.

The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)

You are quite possibly my only avid reader, but this only supports my description of your character. You’re a champion of underdogs as was our Lord and Savior, Jesus. I pray that yours will be an abundant life of communion with King Jesus. I want you to be happy because you’re my sister and I love you.

Be satisfied with His goodness.